I'm hoping that this trend dies sometime soon.

September 2009 - I posted about Love, Family and Other Committments. Can't remember all the details as to why I did, but I felt I had to send the reminder out then about what we stand for. Why we're a special family. Why we're so important to each other because when it comes down to it, I can't imagine who else I'd lean on in my darkest hour.
That family has been expanding - Suz, Jordan, Blair. Each of them are extensions of us now. Each one knows their person and the family based on the experiences they've shared with us and the stories and history we've shared with them. My kids are also part of that expanding family and in time, they'll learn more about us so that they can learn from the past to protect their futures.
Some of us believe that our past doesn't define us but I think they may be thinking that definition means trapped. That because we had the life we have had, we're destined to be miserable. Turning our back on it and pretending it didn't affect us is the only way to be happy and at peace.
The thing is - for me (not speaking for all here), my past has made me who I am and I've accepted that. I had to finally embrace it and stop thinking it didn't happen. I tried to hide it and pretend it wasn't that bad and it led to me not talking to Dad and cutting Mom out of my life. Healthy? nope...not one bit. I constantly compared them to others and was left disappointed in them, time and again for not living up to the ideal parent mold. More unhealthy thinking...
I am clinically depressed and because of the family history and admitting I needed help, I have myself in a healthier place. I know that there is a trigger that could be flipped to make me an alcoholic- and started to forget that truth recently and have sinced stopped the wine/beer to make me calm down routine. I had to face these realizations head on to make better choices for me and my family.
I will NOT accept yelling, screaming, throwing things, punching holes in walls, cursing as methods to express anger in my home. I don't threaten another person when I'm angry or try to hurt another so that my hurt isn't as bad. No matter how bad I feel and how much I just want to hide under a bridge, I will NEVER leave my kids and abandon them. Running away doesn't solve the problems, it creates hurt and pain.
These are extreme examples of how I pull the past into my present to make sure my future is happier.
I really don't know what this post was to accomplish but to get this stuff out of my head.

Losing is a common theme

I just need a resolution to all of this.

What does Bryan do at his job?

Well, I thought it would be nice to hear from Bryan what his job is, because I have no idea, bad communication on my part, but it has been awhile since I heard about his occupation.

Love you Bry,
Eric

T-MINUS 9 days

so, here I am, wondering...what our baby sister's 21st birthday bar crawl will be like next week.

anyone want to take bets on how long she lasts? how many drinks til she pukes?

:)

christmas present alert

World's Largest Gummy Bear! this is a GREAT page!

http://www.vat19.com/dvds/worlds-largest-gummy-bear.cfm

Writing to get the demons out

hey kids!
well, it's fall... football, pumpkins, sweaters, chilly air and apples. LOVE this time of year.

I'm hoping that the new season helps pull me back to something positive myself...really, really trying to move towards happiness in whatever way i can find it!

i've started writing again - please visit my blog after you stop by here!

love, me

http://randomthoughtsonlifewithme.blogspot.com/

Keep coming to the table....

This is a wonderful forum for us to stay close as a family and extend the love always and forever.

E