random postings and rants by a crazy opinionated family
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thanks, J-cat
Thanks, Jess, for the critique on Samantha's make-up job. It really shows maturity to be so supportive and tolerant of something you may not agree with. I'm proud of you for it.
That being said, Samantha's make-up is supposed to be somewhat over-the-top for entertainment purposes. Like I told Nate, if I were merely cross-dressing I'd go for a more natural look.
I always have been intolerant and judgmentally close-minded....where have you been? Oh that's right, you moved away from me to live at moms growing up and we grew apart from each other and are no longer as close as we once were....remember little things like that when you ask when I changed or when I started or stopped doing something. Because granted, I most likely was always like that but you were never around to see it or never around when that stage came about in my life....*cough middle school and high school cough*
everyone changes in life... not everyone can see or agree to tolerate another person's differences. it's frustrating as hell when it's your family doing it to you.
Well I think its ridiculous that I'm the bad guy when he asks for my OPININON about his drag and I don't approve and he doesn't think my reasoning is valid enough but he preaches that everyone is their own person and blah blah blah.... If I lied to him and said I approved his drag crap, none of this would have happened, but then again, I don't lie and I honestly asked him once, "whats worse? I lie that brings a smile or the truth that brings a tear?" and he told me that it is worse to lie and mislead someone.... hmm but when its applied to him, all hell breaks lose..
seriously, I get the wake up call that I can't always have what I want when I want. When is his call going to come?? because he's going to say that his life is so rough and yeah, its had its problems and moments, but a lot of it could have been avoided, like my own mistakes, by choosing the better option or not making it harder than it needs to be.
Jessie, I asked you your opinion and you gave me this: "I don't know. it's just not natural. I just don't like it."
That is not an opinion. That is ignorance, intolerance and a cop out. If you had said something along the lines of:
"I accept gender roles in society and feel that a man and woman's place should never be crossed-over."
I would then accept your opinion as valid and acceptable. I will not let you cop out to me, though, and give me foolishness as an "opinion."
If you had lied to me, it would have hurt my feelings. I'd rather we discuss it so that you can give me a better picture of who you are and what your beliefs are, and I can try to convince you that drag is harmless.
I got the wake up call that I can't have what I want when I want all the time a LONG ass time ago. But I know now that if I fight, work and try hard enough, I can't achieve and receive practically anything I strive for. Hence, if I want to do drag, I will work my ass off to perfect it and attain it.
I wanted to be a Marine, I damn as hell worked hard for it.
And as for you charging me for not "being there" and using that to excuse how small your mind is...don't even go there because you obviously have no idea what happened there.
I am sorry that I hurt you. But would you rather have had me kill myself? Because at that point, that was the only option. I would have withered into a self-hating husk of a boy and ended my life. But I decided I'd rather just get out of the situation that was destroying me.
So, to end this: grow up. Grow up, stop trying to force the world to revolve around you, and learn to open your mind. Life will be a lot easier to live if you do.
bry--well said...but...have to make one small comment.
her opinion was stated - not nearly as eloquently as you restated it, but it was stated. her opinion is that she doesn't like drag. it's not somethign she can get her mind around.
I personally am not an intolerant person, but i do carry some preconceived ideas about drag that I'm only now trying to shed because you are venturing in this direction. it may come to pass that i can't handle it either... we'll cross that road when it comes. for now, WE ALL LOVE YOU.
And, you have to allow some of us to come to acceptance in our own time when we can make our minds up about it. This is not an easy thing for people buddy.
You were born who you are. You had some time to sort out the feelings, emotions and biology surrounding who you are - and your moving out of Ohio was a GOOD decision and I only wish Mom had tried harder to help you instead of pushing everything off as a "phase". You had other life choices that were NOT healthy as you know and that came from a severe lack of parenting from both parents.
ANYWAY-- i know you're hurt and you want your entire family to support you. But, please try to give us time to wrap our heads around this as well. it's a little unsettling to see your baby brother as a "woman". :)
"jessie, I asked you your opinion and you gave me this: "I don't know. it's just not natural. I just don't like it."
That is not an opinion. That is ignorance, intolerance and a cop out. If you had said something along the lines of:"
Although you may not like it, what she said is an opinion.
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but why are you starving for blind acceptance? Why is it that if people do not agree with you or have a contrary opinion you are willing to snap?
If this was really "you", why would it matter if Jessie accepted it, or had the ability to speak in better terms? We all know, as does Jessie, that at times she is not able to fully communicate what she is thinking or feeling in a proper manner.
As for the thought of the world revolving around any one, I think with this argument, you both might be doing the same thing.
Now, Jessie, you can't be judementally closed minded as you have admitted you are in your earlier comment. That only hurts you, and as you have seen someone close to you. Not liking drag or even theatrical dress up should not drag you down to the words you have used. Simply put, just saying you don't like it and do not feel right watching your brother in drag, and thats all you have to say. If Bryan is open for all that we have to say, he needs to know to accept that, and not push back saying thats not enough.
Bryan, you are an instigator. I did not say that. for everyone to know, I told him this: " I do not like it. It is not normal for someone to cross dress. I am old fashion, like puddle skirt era, I'm the stay at home wife while the husband brings home the bacon, kind of person. I think that if you want to do drag, you should WAIT until you are no longer a US Marine. You are basically owned by the government and that is not suitable behavior to be expressing when ppls tax dollars are going to you for your living expenses. LIVING EXPENSES i.e food, clothing, rent, heating, cooling, utilities, sewer, dog food, NECESSITIES. not hobbies"
That is a big reason why I hate dads stamp collecting and patches and what ever the hell else he does. He uses his pension for stamps and patches, then maybe a bill or two, then food...THEN FOOD. HE DOESN'T EVEN EAT BEFORE DOING HIS HOBBIES!!. that's not why the government pays you. they pay you so you can LIVE. hobbies definitely come after living and should come from your own money. and right now Bryan, you only care about this drag shit. and it makes me more upset because you are only one person. it makes me even more mad that there are thousands of more ppl out there using tax dollars for stupid shit when there are more important things to use it for.
ANOTHER THING. Do not even think about dropping the suicide act. You are selfish beyond believe if you're going to go that route. We all know that you were confused, and didn't have anywhere to go but do not even say that you were going to do that, even if you might have given it A thought. We have all been thru too much with dad attempting it on multiple occasions and we should all know that that is the easy way out. NONE OF THE EBERLY KIDS WILL EVER EVER TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. I don't care what the issue is or reasoning, that is not an option so do not shove your head that far up your ass to say something as selfish and stupid as that. ACTUALLY, THAT SHOULD GO TO ALL OF YOU. EVEN ME. hell, sitting in that drive way with all the sirens and firetrucks, ambulance, cops, lights, watching dad sit on top of the latter as mom was cussing at me, yeah I learned right there that that was BAD (hell I was 4 effing years old) and I knew from then on that you do not threaten yourself like that and the fact that now 2 ppl in this family have tried to follow dads attempts just shows that you are all selfish. THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER AND i CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH HOW PISSED i REALLY AM RIGHT NOW!!!!
like Andi said, we do not all have to accept something if we don't like it, whether we're your family or not because decisions like this do take time. Hell Bryan, I'm still getting used to you being homosexual. Honestly. you came out of the closet how many years ago, 8 years going on 9??! and I still am wrapping my head around it. so please do not get pissed at me because we all don't like the same things you do. we are all different in so many ways that you cannot punish one person for not accepting one thing or another right away. I'm stubborn. we all know this, so after this stupid freak out on your part, I am most definitely going to tag on more time until I actually give your hobby any thought at all.
Just because I don't like it does not mean that I don't love you more than anything, just because I don't like dad being an asshole, does not mean I don't love him. just because mom is an alcoholic does not mean that i don't love her. So stop with the pity party because you know this isn't about who loves you more or less. Its about your priorities and the fact that yours are all out of whack. and it hurts me because I see how much you have worked and all that you have earned from the marines that I don't believe you should be doing this hobby when it took you so long to get here.
Another thing that Nate made clear which you still have to answer to, is why do you care so much whether we except this or not. you know we love you no matter what you do but that fact that you have to get approval for something that you say you are so serious about means that you really don't know if you like it or not. if you have to look for reasons to believe that its ok, then you are not comfortable with it yourself. But you feel that if everyone else is, you can be too. You are a follower. You can lead but right now, you are waiting for someone else to so you can jump on board. Do what you need to do but be true to yourself. if you need to find reasons to believe its ok and that its accepted, then you really are not being true to yourself. And honestly, I'm going to go out on the blank and say this. When you were trying to prove that the bible has homosexuality in it, and find answers to believe that it should be accepted, that threw me off. You should not have to prove to anyone that what you do is ok. If its what you want and how you feel and ultimately how you will live your life, then you don't need to provide anyone with any answers as to why it should be ok. Its beyond ridiculous that you did that and that really made me wonder if you knew if you wanted to be homosexual or not. You weren't and are not comfortable that there are thousands of ppl out there that do not approve of such behavior, so youre going to stretch yourself thin to find some answer for them. guess what bryan, you can't always give someone an answer and even if you do does not mean they care or want to change their view.
I honestly don't think I have ever been more mad and sad and have ever cried while typing anything so serious. I'm not making it a pity party but maybe that will help you understand that I'm so pissed right now that I am sad to be mad at you....
to Andi on chat that we both thought was important to say...Bryan this is why it pissed me off when you left. and you had no idea, because at that point in time, it was all about you but you have no idea what I went thru when you left..."Yeah I am glad he moved away from the negativity but I'm pissed too. he was my best friend. my only friend and when he left, i really had no one. honestly. I had no friends thru 7th and 8th grade... I made him my best option to hang out with because he was my best friend. I never talked to anyone really in school. I had no need to.."
I only have a beef with the money part right now. People in the military aren't being paid just for general substance. The military is paid quite well, despite what everyone will tell you, because of the risk of the job. But the fact of the matter is it's a job. And that money goes to our welfare, but also to us as individuals. Any other business gives you money for your service and nothing else. The military, like a good socialist system, gives you money with some emotion behind it saying, "This is for YOU," with some personal emphasis. But it's still money for service. You can argue that the UCMJ does not allow these kinds of activities, and you're right. But the money DOES go to our hobbies- Better yet, it goes to US. To do with it as we see fit. The military doesn't get involved until it gets complicated with violations to article134 (the catch all).
We're not war dogs, or cattle, or even indentured servents to the government, Jessie. We are human beings, and the government takes your taxes and gives a portion to us as wages. Not because of some elaborate system of serving each other. It's because you pay the government to support you. The government pays us for supporting them. There's no connection between the two except some eloquent euphemisms and metaphors people could draw up in speeches. I've spent over 2k on MTG cards because- hey!- it's my money, and my substenance includes happiness. It's like saying Marines can't go out and have a beer now and then because they don't need it and therefore it's irresponsible.
I know you're not really going that route, but I'm dissecting it in case. Bryan's hobby is covered by the Marine Corps. Your Dad's hobbies are covered by the time he invested into the government. As an adult, he can and will choose how to spend his money. And as Bryan's brother- as your father's daughter- all you can do is strongly encourage them to make what appears to you as better choices. And to set your mind(s) at ease, he does, for the most part, prioritize well. We got food. The rent is paid. Dulce has heartworm medicine. Right now, the only thing he pays for entertainment besides dinner with friends is his WoW account and whatever he puts into charities. He deserves Drag as a hobby he can invest in.
But you can argue that, as it is against the UCMJ, now isn't the best time to invest in it. (As long as he doesn't post a picture of himself- with any endorsement from the Marine Corps or indication it is a direct connection to it- there is no leg to stand on in litigation against him. It's complicated, but so far he hasn't done anything wrong.)
I call bullshit on that one. I put 400 mins on my phone every month. It's budgeted, and I can afford it easily. I'm sorry you happen to call when I'm down to my last 20 and stingy.
20 comments:
i wasn't trying to be supportive considering i do not support this kind of behavior....but take it how you will. good day.
I love how J-cat just made me eat my words. She sure showed me.
*sigh*
Seriously though, when did you become so intolerant and judgmentally close-minded?
I always have been intolerant and judgmentally close-minded....where have you been? Oh that's right, you moved away from me to live at moms growing up and we grew apart from each other and are no longer as close as we once were....remember little things like that when you ask when I changed or when I started or stopped doing something. Because granted, I most likely was always like that but you were never around to see it or never around when that stage came about in my life....*cough middle school and high school cough*
everyone changes in life...
not everyone can see or agree to tolerate another person's differences.
it's frustrating as hell when it's your family doing it to you.
yep
Well I think its ridiculous that I'm the bad guy when he asks for my OPININON about his drag and I don't approve and he doesn't think my reasoning is valid enough but he preaches that everyone is their own person and blah blah blah....
If I lied to him and said I approved his drag crap, none of this would have happened, but then again, I don't lie and I honestly asked him once, "whats worse? I lie that brings a smile or the truth that brings a tear?" and he told me that it is worse to lie and mislead someone.... hmm but when its applied to him, all hell breaks lose..
seriously, I get the wake up call that I can't always have what I want when I want. When is his call going to come?? because he's going to say that his life is so rough and yeah, its had its problems and moments, but a lot of it could have been avoided, like my own mistakes, by choosing the better option or not making it harder than it needs to be.
and once again, yep.
Jessie, I asked you your opinion and you gave me this: "I don't know. it's just not natural. I just don't like it."
That is not an opinion. That is ignorance, intolerance and a cop out. If you had said something along the lines of:
"I accept gender roles in society and feel that a man and woman's place should never be crossed-over."
I would then accept your opinion as valid and acceptable. I will not let you cop out to me, though, and give me foolishness as an "opinion."
If you had lied to me, it would have hurt my feelings. I'd rather we discuss it so that you can give me a better picture of who you are and what your beliefs are, and I can try to convince you that drag is harmless.
I got the wake up call that I can't have what I want when I want all the time a LONG ass time ago. But I know now that if I fight, work and try hard enough, I can't achieve and receive practically anything I strive for. Hence, if I want to do drag, I will work my ass off to perfect it and attain it.
I wanted to be a Marine, I damn as hell worked hard for it.
And as for you charging me for not "being there" and using that to excuse how small your mind is...don't even go there because you obviously have no idea what happened there.
I am sorry that I hurt you. But would you rather have had me kill myself? Because at that point, that was the only option. I would have withered into a self-hating husk of a boy and ended my life. But I decided I'd rather just get out of the situation that was destroying me.
So, to end this: grow up. Grow up, stop trying to force the world to revolve around you, and learn to open your mind. Life will be a lot easier to live if you do.
"I can't achieve and receive practically anything I strive for..." should be "I CAN..."
bry--well said...but...have to make one small comment.
her opinion was stated - not nearly as eloquently as you restated it, but it was stated. her opinion is that she doesn't like drag. it's not somethign she can get her mind around.
I personally am not an intolerant person, but i do carry some preconceived ideas about drag that I'm only now trying to shed because you are venturing in this direction. it may come to pass that i can't handle it either... we'll cross that road when it comes. for now, WE ALL LOVE YOU.
And, you have to allow some of us to come to acceptance in our own time when we can make our minds up about it. This is not an easy thing for people buddy.
You were born who you are. You had some time to sort out the feelings, emotions and biology surrounding who you are - and your moving out of Ohio was a GOOD decision and I only wish Mom had tried harder to help you instead of pushing everything off as a "phase". You had other life choices that were NOT healthy as you know and that came from a severe lack of parenting from both parents.
ANYWAY-- i know you're hurt and you want your entire family to support you. But, please try to give us time to wrap our heads around this as well. it's a little unsettling to see your baby brother as a "woman". :)
Bryan, calm your rhetoric...
"jessie, I asked you your opinion and you gave me this: "I don't know. it's just not natural. I just don't like it."
That is not an opinion. That is ignorance, intolerance and a cop out. If you had said something along the lines of:"
Although you may not like it, what she said is an opinion.
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but why are you starving for blind acceptance? Why is it that if people do not agree with you or have a contrary opinion you are willing to snap?
If this was really "you", why would it matter if Jessie accepted it, or had the ability to speak in better terms? We all know, as does Jessie, that at times she is not able to fully communicate what she is thinking or feeling in a proper manner.
As for the thought of the world revolving around any one, I think with this argument, you both might be doing the same thing.
Now, Jessie, you can't be judementally closed minded as you have admitted you are in your earlier comment. That only hurts you, and as you have seen someone close to you. Not liking drag or even theatrical dress up should not drag you down to the words you have used. Simply put, just saying you don't like it and do not feel right watching your brother in drag, and thats all you have to say. If Bryan is open for all that we have to say, he needs to know to accept that, and not push back saying thats not enough.
ha! effing HA!
Bryan, you are an instigator. I did not say that. for everyone to know, I told him this:
" I do not like it. It is not normal for someone to cross dress. I am old fashion, like puddle skirt era, I'm the stay at home wife while the husband brings home the bacon, kind of person. I think that if you want to do drag, you should WAIT until you are no longer a US Marine. You are basically owned by the government and that is not suitable behavior to be expressing when ppls tax dollars are going to you for your living expenses. LIVING EXPENSES i.e food, clothing, rent, heating, cooling, utilities, sewer, dog food, NECESSITIES. not hobbies"
That is a big reason why I hate dads stamp collecting and patches and what ever the hell else he does. He uses his pension for stamps and patches, then maybe a bill or two, then food...THEN FOOD. HE DOESN'T EVEN EAT BEFORE DOING HIS HOBBIES!!. that's not why the government pays you. they pay you so you can LIVE. hobbies definitely come after living and should come from your own money. and right now Bryan, you only care about this drag shit. and it makes me more upset because you are only one person. it makes me even more mad that there are thousands of more ppl out there using tax dollars for stupid shit when there are more important things to use it for.
ANOTHER THING. Do not even think about dropping the suicide act. You are selfish beyond believe if you're going to go that route. We all know that you were confused, and didn't have anywhere to go but do not even say that you were going to do that, even if you might have given it A thought. We have all been thru too much with dad attempting it on multiple occasions and we should all know that that is the easy way out. NONE OF THE EBERLY KIDS WILL EVER EVER TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. I don't care what the issue is or reasoning, that is not an option so do not shove your head that far up your ass to say something as selfish and stupid as that. ACTUALLY, THAT SHOULD GO TO ALL OF YOU. EVEN ME. hell, sitting in that drive way with all the sirens and firetrucks, ambulance, cops, lights, watching dad sit on top of the latter as mom was cussing at me, yeah I learned right there that that was BAD (hell I was 4 effing years old) and I knew from then on that you do not threaten yourself like that and the fact that now 2 ppl in this family have tried to follow dads attempts just shows that you are all selfish. THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER AND i CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH HOW PISSED i REALLY AM RIGHT NOW!!!!
(next post...)
like Andi said, we do not all have to accept something if we don't like it, whether we're your family or not because decisions like this do take time. Hell Bryan, I'm still getting used to you being homosexual. Honestly. you came out of the closet how many years ago, 8 years going on 9??! and I still am wrapping my head around it. so please do not get pissed at me because we all don't like the same things you do. we are all different in so many ways that you cannot punish one person for not accepting one thing or another right away. I'm stubborn. we all know this, so after this stupid freak out on your part, I am most definitely going to tag on more time until I actually give your hobby any thought at all.
Just because I don't like it does not mean that I don't love you more than anything, just because I don't like dad being an asshole, does not mean I don't love him. just because mom is an alcoholic does not mean that i don't love her. So stop with the pity party because you know this isn't about who loves you more or less. Its about your priorities and the fact that yours are all out of whack. and it hurts me because I see how much you have worked and all that you have earned from the marines that I don't believe you should be doing this hobby when it took you so long to get here.
Another thing that Nate made clear which you still have to answer to, is why do you care so much whether we except this or not. you know we love you no matter what you do but that fact that you have to get approval for something that you say you are so serious about means that you really don't know if you like it or not. if you have to look for reasons to believe that its ok, then you are not comfortable with it yourself. But you feel that if everyone else is, you can be too. You are a follower. You can lead but right now, you are waiting for someone else to so you can jump on board. Do what you need to do but be true to yourself. if you need to find reasons to believe its ok and that its accepted, then you really are not being true to yourself. And honestly, I'm going to go out on the blank and say this. When you were trying to prove that the bible has homosexuality in it, and find answers to believe that it should be accepted, that threw me off. You should not have to prove to anyone that what you do is ok. If its what you want and how you feel and ultimately how you will live your life, then you don't need to provide anyone with any answers as to why it should be ok. Its beyond ridiculous that you did that and that really made me wonder if you knew if you wanted to be homosexual or not. You weren't and are not comfortable that there are thousands of ppl out there that do not approve of such behavior, so youre going to stretch yourself thin to find some answer for them. guess what bryan, you can't always give someone an answer and even if you do does not mean they care or want to change their view.
I honestly don't think I have ever been more mad and sad and have ever cried while typing anything so serious. I'm not making it a pity party but maybe that will help you understand that I'm so pissed right now that I am sad to be mad at you....
to Andi on chat that we both thought was important to say...Bryan this is why it pissed me off when you left. and you had no idea, because at that point in time, it was all about you but you have no idea what I went thru when you left..."Yeah I am glad he moved away from the negativity but I'm pissed too. he was my best friend. my only friend and when he left, i really had no one. honestly. I had no friends thru 7th and 8th grade... I made him my best option to hang out with because he was my best friend. I never talked to anyone really in school. I had no need to.."
I only have a beef with the money part right now. People in the military aren't being paid just for general substance. The military is paid quite well, despite what everyone will tell you, because of the risk of the job. But the fact of the matter is it's a job. And that money goes to our welfare, but also to us as individuals. Any other business gives you money for your service and nothing else. The military, like a good socialist system, gives you money with some emotion behind it saying, "This is for YOU," with some personal emphasis. But it's still money for service. You can argue that the UCMJ does not allow these kinds of activities, and you're right. But the money DOES go to our hobbies- Better yet, it goes to US. To do with it as we see fit. The military doesn't get involved until it gets complicated with violations to article134 (the catch all).
We're not war dogs, or cattle, or even indentured servents to the government, Jessie. We are human beings, and the government takes your taxes and gives a portion to us as wages. Not because of some elaborate system of serving each other. It's because you pay the government to support you. The government pays us for supporting them. There's no connection between the two except some eloquent euphemisms and metaphors people could draw up in speeches. I've spent over 2k on MTG cards because- hey!- it's my money, and my substenance includes happiness. It's like saying Marines can't go out and have a beer now and then because they don't need it and therefore it's irresponsible.
I know you're not really going that route, but I'm dissecting it in case. Bryan's hobby is covered by the Marine Corps. Your Dad's hobbies are covered by the time he invested into the government. As an adult, he can and will choose how to spend his money. And as Bryan's brother- as your father's daughter- all you can do is strongly encourage them to make what appears to you as better choices. And to set your mind(s) at ease, he does, for the most part, prioritize well. We got food. The rent is paid. Dulce has heartworm medicine. Right now, the only thing he pays for entertainment besides dinner with friends is his WoW account and whatever he puts into charities. He deserves Drag as a hobby he can invest in.
But you can argue that, as it is against the UCMJ, now isn't the best time to invest in it. (As long as he doesn't post a picture of himself- with any endorsement from the Marine Corps or indication it is a direct connection to it- there is no leg to stand on in litigation against him. It's complicated, but so far he hasn't done anything wrong.)
I think the money issue more surrounds the issue of not having minutes on his phone....
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Nathan!
I call bullshit on that one. I put 400 mins on my phone every month. It's budgeted, and I can afford it easily. I'm sorry you happen to call when I'm down to my last 20 and stingy.
ok, enough said i guess.
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