Last night I had a church council meeting and as I waited for it to start, I opened up a pamphlet someone gave me of daily devotions. I just flipped through it, not really paying much attention to the dates, just the header topics - truth, he forgets, taking time.
One that jumped off the page at me was the "he forgets" devotion.
"it is I who sweep away your transgressions for My own sake and remember your sins no more: (Isaiah 43:25)Have you ever had a scab that you just couldn't stop picking? Just about the time it starts to heal, you're tempted to dig at it and start the process all over again. Sometimes it's the same with our sins. We know that God has forgiven us, but we keep dredging it up over and over again. Next time you're plagued by a past sin you've confessed, remember Jeremiah 31:34 - "I will forgive their wrong doing and never again remember their sin" And let the wound heal.
I recieved a message - pretty loud and clear. Amazingly, this particular devotion was for yesterday specifically - after all we have been through this week, all the dredging up of old feelings and anger, God/the Universe urged me to pick up the pamphlet and helped me find this particular passage. It's not that I just picked it up and thought, "what is the devotion for the day" and read it. I actually, quite randomly landed on that page and found afterwards that it was the specific devotion of the day. Just strange to me...
My lesson is clear - I confessed my feelings (sins) to Nate/Blair pretty plainly and openly. I forgive Nate for what happened between us.
Confess, forgive, then forget...............
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I'm hoping that this trend dies sometime soon.
September 2009 - I posted about Love, Family and Other Committments. Can't remember all the details as to why I did, but I felt I had to send the reminder out then about what we stand for. Why we're a special family. Why we're so important to each other because when it comes down to it, I can't imagine who else I'd lean on in my darkest hour.
That family has been expanding - Suz, Jordan, Blair. Each of them are extensions of us now. Each one knows their person and the family based on the experiences they've shared with us and the stories and history we've shared with them. My kids are also part of that expanding family and in time, they'll learn more about us so that they can learn from the past to protect their futures.
Some of us believe that our past doesn't define us but I think they may be thinking that definition means trapped. That because we had the life we have had, we're destined to be miserable. Turning our back on it and pretending it didn't affect us is the only way to be happy and at peace.
The thing is - for me (not speaking for all here), my past has made me who I am and I've accepted that. I had to finally embrace it and stop thinking it didn't happen. I tried to hide it and pretend it wasn't that bad and it led to me not talking to Dad and cutting Mom out of my life. Healthy? nope...not one bit. I constantly compared them to others and was left disappointed in them, time and again for not living up to the ideal parent mold. More unhealthy thinking...
I am clinically depressed and because of the family history and admitting I needed help, I have myself in a healthier place. I know that there is a trigger that could be flipped to make me an alcoholic- and started to forget that truth recently and have sinced stopped the wine/beer to make me calm down routine. I had to face these realizations head on to make better choices for me and my family.
I will NOT accept yelling, screaming, throwing things, punching holes in walls, cursing as methods to express anger in my home. I don't threaten another person when I'm angry or try to hurt another so that my hurt isn't as bad. No matter how bad I feel and how much I just want to hide under a bridge, I will NEVER leave my kids and abandon them. Running away doesn't solve the problems, it creates hurt and pain.
These are extreme examples of how I pull the past into my present to make sure my future is happier.
I really don't know what this post was to accomplish but to get this stuff out of my head.
That family has been expanding - Suz, Jordan, Blair. Each of them are extensions of us now. Each one knows their person and the family based on the experiences they've shared with us and the stories and history we've shared with them. My kids are also part of that expanding family and in time, they'll learn more about us so that they can learn from the past to protect their futures.
Some of us believe that our past doesn't define us but I think they may be thinking that definition means trapped. That because we had the life we have had, we're destined to be miserable. Turning our back on it and pretending it didn't affect us is the only way to be happy and at peace.
The thing is - for me (not speaking for all here), my past has made me who I am and I've accepted that. I had to finally embrace it and stop thinking it didn't happen. I tried to hide it and pretend it wasn't that bad and it led to me not talking to Dad and cutting Mom out of my life. Healthy? nope...not one bit. I constantly compared them to others and was left disappointed in them, time and again for not living up to the ideal parent mold. More unhealthy thinking...
I am clinically depressed and because of the family history and admitting I needed help, I have myself in a healthier place. I know that there is a trigger that could be flipped to make me an alcoholic- and started to forget that truth recently and have sinced stopped the wine/beer to make me calm down routine. I had to face these realizations head on to make better choices for me and my family.
I will NOT accept yelling, screaming, throwing things, punching holes in walls, cursing as methods to express anger in my home. I don't threaten another person when I'm angry or try to hurt another so that my hurt isn't as bad. No matter how bad I feel and how much I just want to hide under a bridge, I will NEVER leave my kids and abandon them. Running away doesn't solve the problems, it creates hurt and pain.
These are extreme examples of how I pull the past into my present to make sure my future is happier.
I really don't know what this post was to accomplish but to get this stuff out of my head.
Monday, February 21, 2011
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