Bryan, please post the following on the site:
Brothers and Sisters of the Eberly Family Clan, lend me your ears.
Melodramatic entries aside, I wanted to address the issue going on with Blaire. Since this issue started perking up around Bryan, I've only heard name calling. That's all it's ever amounted to.
(EDIT: Name calling example has been removed for lack of attribution)
Ultimately, the only real issue I've heard of is that she doesn't get along with Jessie, and refuses to associate with Jessie to the point she will not attend family functions if Jessie is there. I understand how this can cause some contention, and I understand I don't have the full story. I've been letting this play out between the family because it's a family issue.
Frankly, though, I understand where Blaire could be coming from. Only Susanna and I can truly relate to Blaire's situation because we're on the outside being brought in. And a lot of the things I've heard said have sounded resentful and antagonistic. I'm not there, so I'm not calling anyone out. But at a personal level, I'd like to speak to Blaire on it and help her reconcile whatever the issues are. The only person who has a right to ask me not to is Nathan. I know it can make everyone else feel uncomfortable, but she's Nathan's girl. No one else is truly invested in this relationship and no one else has the right to tell me to butt out. And if you do ask me to, Nathan I will.
I sincerely do empathize with Blaire, and in order to deescalate the situation, I think it'd be beneficial for me to talk to her and, more importantly, give her someone to talk to. My understanding is that Eric and Andi have both offered her that space, but if I had beef with one of you, I'm not going to talk to your siblings about it. You're all too tightly knit together, which is both intimidating and damning, even though it's something I have always greatly admired about your family.
I've already sent a message to Blaire before this all blew up. Assuming there's no problem with it, Nate, if you could encourage her to talk to me, I'd appreciate it. If she or you don't want me to get involved, then I won't. And that's that.
24 comments:
Oh, wow.
So...this is becoming a classic case of people not being completely open and honest with eachother?
I dont think jess would ever call someone a nazi
personal grudge against jess makes sense
this is getting really out of hand again.
Makes sense. But it also makes sense that the more Jessie feels attacked, the more she'll provide an offensive defense.
I want to know where it all started and how it all came about. I think it's about time we get each party's full honest story out here.
We're going to all come together on this one and solve it. We're a strong, bonded family. We will not be crushed by hurt feelings.
Also, "something to the effect of..." is Jordan's biggest generalization.
ENOUGH!
It all started last summer when I didn't remember that Nate and Blair where going to Arizona. HONESTLY, TO THIS DAY (I'm not screaming, just making it clear...) THEY NEVER TOLD ME. I HEARD FROM DAD THE DAY BEFORE OR AFTER THEY LEFT? I've apologized to them both about it but since it was such a huge event for them after only being together for 4 or 5 months, I should have made it a bigger deal than I did. Honestly, when I think of Nate, I don't think Arizona. I think east coast. And at that point in time, I did not know too much about Blair and her passions for traveling or places that she may have wanted to visit… So no, again, I didn't jump up and down for this huge trip they took together......She's disliked me since because it hurt Nate’s feelings, which I have apologized for because I didn't realize that it was such a big deal, (big deals are: one year anniversaries and on, engagements, break ups, babies, meeting someone of great importance in the family(s), etc.)
Why anyone holds grudges like that is beyond me. But ppl do. The best way to get over something miniscule is to forgive and forget.
Next: Nate and I got into another fight, maybe 6 months later?, and his feelings got hurt. Again, it was not intentional for me to hurt him, it happens. Has anyone considered that my feelings got hurt in this last year by him and Blair, no probably not because I don't make a big deal of it. I brush my shoulders off (if it’s a small issue) and move on. What’s done is done. You can't change what has already happened, as much as everyone would like that, it can't be done. So again, one needs to FORGIVE AND FORGET. Its a saying and doing that my family has been using since our parents divorce and honestly, when and if we are steamed from a disagreement, at the end of the day we still love each other and nothing is that bad that it can't be let go of..
Now, since that last argument, Blair has refused to forgive me for hurting Nate. That is where this all stems from. Also, since I'm such a rotten person and I have extreme behavior, she does not want to be around me. On top of all that, she does have her issues. It does take time to get to know ppl and families but the only way to do so is to come around. Yes, first impressions are everything but that doesn't mean that you aren't having an off day or that you can't save yourself the next time. But you have to make that step and let ppl into your world. Let everyone know you, at least text and get to know and learn something about that person instead of just secluding yourself to one person.
(I'm hoping I am making sense...)
Now the whole reason for all of this and why everything involves me is:
I have asked Blair to ice cream a few weeks past. I was declined. I was being sincere and meaningful when I invited her. Only wanted to fix her and I’s issues and start over. Everyone remembers that issue? K, good. I don’t want to have to reiterate it. A few days passed and Blair contacted me. She asked to go to ice cream like originally planned. I excitedly said Yes! A day or two after her invite, she texts me and tells me that things came up and we would have to cancel, again….Did I complain about being ditched, no, I just mentioned it and was done with it. And no, I have not tried to re schedule because I felt it was useless….sorry, but I have actually gotten to that point where it doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, that’s awesome if we get to talk and work things out, and then again, it’s too bad if not. I’m not going to grow grey hairs and agonize over this stupid drama anymore. If Nate is happy, that’s great. If Blair is happy, great. And if they are happy together, awesome.
Now the issue is:
I got on FB early one day before school and saw that Blair joined and I sent her a request for friendship thru the site. Not a big deal, one doesn’t have to always talk to that person, but it’s an acknowledgement that is being made that, yes I am her bf’s sister and its just the thing to do in lamest terms. Later that day, I mentioned to Eric and Andi that she is now a part of the FB world. Later that day, I got on and received notification that Andi (who friended her after I told her, after I first did so) was now her friend and that my request was denied. (How do you know? Well when it shows the name and then “add as friend”, it gets turned into an “awaiting friend confirmation”. When you are denied, it goes back to “add as friend”. Most people don’t know this or at least not when they first join, but I did. I pressed it again, denied and again and now I am still waiting.) MY FEELINGS WERE HURT. And to top this whoooolllleeee thing off, Eric was then accepted the next day when I was not. Bright idea lets test Jessie’s theory. Bryan, added her. (He wanted to) but we both had requests. Guess who did not get accepted!? Yep, I didn’t! What a surprise. I thought maybe the second time she didn’t notice it. No, I’m not making excuses for that. She has been on, obviously 3 times, and did not acknowledge me. Cool……………….
It’s ridiculous that every time there is an issue, it gets more and more stupid than the last. This is FB, not the end of the world but there are principles involved. If you are sincerely trying to make amends or befriend a family member, even if you don’t like the person, just roll through the motions. It doesn’t hurt to put on a show and make the other person feel good once in a while. Besides, we all know that Nate does it with Anthony and Mike…………………..
AND HELL NO (NOW I’M YELLING) I NEVER CALLED ANYONE A FREAKING NAZI! Who ever said that, please, don’t hesitate to explain yourself.
J-cat,
All I heard from your explanation is that you hurt Nate's feelings twice, didn't apologize eiother time, and got butt-hurt when people were upset with you.
You cannot forgive and forget a situation that YOU start.
Am I misunderstanding here?
They went to AZ, and you freaked out on Nate. His feelings were hurt. Did you apologize?
Did you apologize when you hurt his feelings the second time?
You can't brush your shoulders off when you are the one throwing the dirt up there!
And now you're judgeing them for being hurt. You're angry because nobody is acknowledging that you are hurt, yet your attacking them for getting hurt?
When Blaire canceled on ice cream, what do you mean you gave up? That's a bold, adult thing to do. Nothing at all passive-agressive about that.
To sum up:
You are the one who needs to apologize here.
she has apologized for some things, but what scares me is she oversimplified the situations and actions, meaning possibly she wasn't paying attention the first time thru...
ironically, that is one of the issues in of itself...that she does not fully capture or understand other peoples emotions, feelings, actions, life's...and does not listen fully when people explain things or try to work them out...
the "Did I complain about being ditched, no, I just mentioned it and was done with it"...to consider it being "ditched" in of itself borders on resentment, not just forgetting about it....huge family issue came up, she had to cancel. Been a rough few weeks as well...but not my place to explain things, nor should I be expected to explain.
You shouldn't. And you aren't.
"she does not fully capture or understand other peoples emotions, feelings, actions, life's [sic]"
I have found this to be true. Countless times. Very frustrating.
I'm sorry that this turned into what it turned into, but I'm glad it got out into the open either way. Those comments were generalizations of the kinds of things I was hearing, and- no- they were not all Jessie. They're not exact quotes; they're there to get the gist of the impression I was getting from the family, and it was making me a little upset that all I heard was negativity and no one coming to Blaire's defense. I think a large portion of the problem was that Bryan (and I believe others) had attempted to contact Nathan and address the issue to one degree or another. For whatever reason, they couldn't reach Nate. It gave the impression he didn't want to talk. The lack of communication is what blew this out proprotion.
I'm not pointing fingers at anyone at all. All I wanted to do was offer a neutral party to Blaire and if there was some issue on her side I could be there to help alleviate it assuming she wanted me to be. We need that sometimes.
But now that we're at this place, I don't think accusations matter anymore. I know you want to get to the bottom of this, (well, some of you), but I don't think that'd help. I think at this point, it's better to just bridge the two sides and start the healing process. As Jessie said: "What's done is done." If they need to call each others' confidents, scream some obscenities, then shake hands and move on, so be it. What I do NOT want to see is Jessie ousted or Blaire refusing to come to family events. We all make mistakes, and Jessie's obviously had some spats with you guys. And if Nathan brings her into the family, I don't think it'd be fair for her to feel rejected before she got any real steps in the door.
Granted, I'm sure everyone made mistakes somewhere. What does it take from here to make it better?
"What does it take from here to make it better?"
If at all, let us be constructive.
Blame and ridicule aside.
Forward thinking people.
What shall we do to all get along?
We love each other because we're family. We learn to love others brought into our family after we've gotten to know them and see how they interact with our family.
I love Suz and Jordan... they are both a part of our family becuase they choose to be a part of our family. They took a risk and a step and came into our lives and that is special.
I'd like to have that with Blair...and the ball is in her court now.
enough..enough..enough of this thing with Jess. It's enough. I'm so tired of it. and I can't help but wonder why it has to come up over and over again. really... it's petty.
again nate--- you are NOT perfect. There is plenty of abuse you landed on me when you were young that i brushed off. a lot of things you did not apologize for at the time and i am not about to go into the same thinking pattern of "well, since it took you xxx number of years to give me some sort of apology, you really didn't grasp the severity of it..." i forgave you because i love you. I knew you were going through stuff and were too immature at the time to communicate what was going on in your head at the time. POINT being...I forgave you for your immaturity because i knew one day you would grow up. I didn't give up on you. I didn't turn my back on you. I didn't let Anthony's comments about you change my feelings towards you.
And yes, he has made stupid comments about you in the past in response to my feelings being hurt. and you know what i did? I told him that you are my brother and NO ONE WILL CHANGE MY FEELINGS TOWARD YOU. He did not have the right to bad mouth you to me the way he tried to... as twisted as it sounds, family can say we suck, but an "outsider" can't. (Jor and Suz are not outsiders by the way).
Jordan and Suzanna--i am very, very sorry you feel that our family dynamic is so intimidating. I always thought we were open, loving and accepting of you.
We are strong minded. We are passionate and full of love. We don't see eye to eye, but we trust and accept our differences.
i sincerely hope Blair can someday come out of her shell and get to know this family. And she also needs to learn that past mistakes, relationships and history should not be used to sabotage and poison future relationships. i'm sorry that her past issues haunt her so badly. But, she's building an unneccessary wall around herself and missing out on a family who would love her to peices if she gave us the chance.
.......what about mike?.......
who?
the only mike I have dated?!?! seriously....
sorry...mike, too.
still not ringing a bell.
Post a Comment