Not that anything big will happen anytime too soon. Bigger steps are coming though. Power of attorney, joint bank accounts, co-signing on a vehicle, etc.
Eventually marriage...
I don't know. We casually gazed at wedding bands today. Unsettling, yet warm, feelings crawled up my back. I love him enough to make him a permanent part of my life and be a permanent part of his. I'd do anything for him. I'd kill for him. I'd die for him, really.
Anyway...yeah, how does everyone feel about Jordan?
18 comments:
well... you know that Jordan could read this blog sooo.... :)
all i have to say is that you're too young to be thinking of lifetime committments right now. I like Jordan, don't get me wrong. but both of you have a lot of living to do before settling down. Bry, this is your first real relationship - meaning you should test out other relationships, too. this is coming from someone who got into a serious relationship at 19 and got married too soon.
Same here. We all like Jordan but its not the person who we don't like. Its the idea that you are jumping into this way too soon. I told you last night on the phone that you would get the lecture from Andi about being too young.
And she is right. Its your first real relationship with someone. See where things go. You've only been together for what, a year or so? Thats definitely not long enough to see the true person. And I am not saying that Jordan is a different person or anything like that but look at Andi's situation, she was with Anthony for how long before they got married, they both thought that that was what they wanted. They got married and had two beautiful babies and have nice things but they don't have that relationship anymore. They grew out of it. Like mom and dad. Sure they liked eachother but they got into it way too fast and only stayed together bc they had 4 kids and one on the way. It got to be too much for them and they ended things. Just think about what your future may hold...you have so many paths to think about that you have no idea even exist yet (bc they dont..) but don't sign any legal papers, or open anything that is legally bonded bc you don't know what lies ahead.
Okay, but let's just say that true love is relative. It comes and goes whenever it comes and goes, and we, as future-looking mortals, can seriously not control with whom and at what time we fall in love.
I don't like the idea that I need to wait a few more years, or try other relationships. The latter is a definite no. And the fact that I feel so unwilling to even look speaks volumns to me...a whore by truest definition.
I've been with three others, and felt detached and instantly wanting to pull away with each. With Javaun my feelings were stronger than that, but the chemistry died quickly and it became a teenage love affair. Two young boys in love with love.
With Jordan, I feel very much complete, as if he is a part of me. *cliche* *cliche* *cliche*. Honestly, I feel like there aren't any surprises with him. Granted, yes I've not known him long enough to see every nook & cranny of his psyche or mental issues (btw, I'm going to see his psychologist with him tomorrow. Should be interesting), but I know in my soul who he is. I know his intentions, I know how his mechanics work. Owning a computer for five years doesn't mean you'll know every piece of it either. Things come up at odd times.
I think the fact that I'm not afraid of these surprises also speaks as many volumns as feeling secure with him. I feel like we can grow and intertwine with eachother.
I guess I should avoid using the term "settle down" or "serious commitment" and just say that I want him by my side as I walk through my journey of life.
bry-- as you walk your journey, please remember, that as you go along the path, you will be changed by what you encounter. As you grow older, you change. it happens and cannot be avoided.
the true test of a successful relationship is to find out if the person you're with can adapt with you and the changes and vice-versa.
I'm not the person I was at 18, 25 or even 30. Anthony is not the same person he was at 19, 26, 30... the man i married was a social worker, professional, and wanted to change the world. the man he is now is a redneck, with a lust for tattoos and body peircings who would rather sit in the woods all day waiting for the "big one" then spend his day off with his children....
the change just happened, we were affected by the world around us and grew apart...
Just take it day by day - enjoy what you have now and don't spend too much energy thinking about what you two will be doing with you're 75 years old.
the committment to each other is most important - the rest, well, I think you're still too young to be thinking of houses, kids, etc. :)
agreed-- sorry bry..I would be getting the same lecture if it were me. We're not attacking you or jordan so please don't think that which I know a part of you will no matter what, but we don't support your decision to do what you want to do anytime soon. We support that you and Jordan are together and are happy but thats all you need to worry about. You are too young and you have soo much time ahead to make huge decisions and commitments, why do it now when you don't know what the future holds?
Aunt T and Aunt Lee Ann didnt settle down after a year...they were together for a long time and even longer before the name change.
By the way, they don't tell you this at the end of the Disney movies but true love does not exist lol :P
wouldn't say true love doesn't exist...
and as for Aunt T and Lee Ann - i believe they dated and were friends when they were younger. Lee was "married" and her wife died. then Tammy and Alison broke up, and Tammy started seeing Lee after Hosier died.
so, they knew each other for a long time and were with so many others before they settled down with eachother. they both have memories and lessons from other loves - that made them into the couple they are today.
and YES, jessie would be getting the exact same lecture. nate and eric, maybe them, too.
Leave Bryan alone, he's in love and Jess and Andi are jealous.
Avoid Joint Bank Accounts!
I wouldn't even recommend those to married couples.
With your spending habits, that you have told me about, JORDAN don't get a joint bank account.
Co signing and Power of attorney are important, especially if you see yourself needing that security blanket, or personal guarantee on a loan.
Now this is the brother in me, but pull your fucking head out of the briar patch dude! Yeah your in love, keep it that way, but stop nauseating me with feelings talk.
Jordan is a very intelligent and kind young man, a 'keeper', and this is the true test:
Do you ever imagine yourself with anyone else, i.e if you meet someone new, do you want them?
If not, why the fuck not? God loves variety :)
Jokes.
Anyway, everybody needs a life partner, and your two income streams will provide a very comfortable and secure living. Just do it without Joint accounts. The problem with JA's is not trust, but that our inner money issues tend to creep up subconsciously and can result in a bloody mess.
Ok, last but not least:
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "It's not the length of life, but the depth of life."
jordans cool.
joint account, but maintain separate accounts.
true love can exist.
eric is right.
jessie is right.
andi is right.
do what makes you happy.
do what is in both your and jordans best interest.
do the right thing at the right time, not the right thing at the wrong time.
understand really where you both are going.
don't commit and settle for a few years, you both are still growing and will change some more.
ummm.
will discuss more later...only had a few moments to spare.
ok, I'm back...
There shouldn't be testing involved, but just an examination of what you want and what the other person wants. The more common you have obviously better, but it should be pretty much what you want is what they want...
I like jordan and think he is a good guy. I think you both are still young though, but then again I'm an older brother, so you'll always be young...
the joint accounts, which eric is against, can have its advantages, as in allowing for ease of bill payments and accounting...if you have a certain agreed upon portion deposited into said account, paying joint bills is easier...and that way the remainder can be placed into you own separate account for your own use...alot easier than one paying some bills and the other paying other bills...but I like simplicity when it comes to finances like that...
bryan, I am glad you can talk about what you want openly, as that is a good sign, a sign that you do feel that strongly about jordan.
do what makes you happy, and do what is right at the right time...right now probably not the best time, but its probably not that far away.
joint accounts for common bills -rent, utilities, groceries, etc.
each keep your own accounts for your personal expenses and needs.
designate someone to be the account manager so you both know that bills are being paid so that it doesn't become, "I thought you did it".
I'm still saying you're too young to know what you want for the rest of your life. you have a good idea of it, but trust me, time changes EVERYONE.
Eric is not the same person he was at 18, 21, etc. Nate is not the same guy he was with Kelly... experience changes you...always.
having things in common is key. but, also, you need to have your own space and interests...things that make you who you are so that you don't lose them along the way.
this happened to me - I had theater, LOVED it. Can't tell you the last time I went to a play or broadway show because I allowed somoene else to determine what they thought I should be. I lost myself along the way and i'm trying to fix it now.
So, yes, I'm a bit jaded, but I do have hope in a happy future and true love. :) I'm not jealous at all. I want all of you in healthy relationships and life time committments. I want to be an aunt someday PLEASE when the time is right and to see you all with your own families.
Love You Andi
I still think shes jealous...
:-p
you don't know me! :P
bryan, do what you want because you're going to anyways, whether we like it or not..
Sorry I had such a strong opinion on the phone to even bother you about it but I feel that it is a big issue.
Call me old fashion, but you are too young, I am definitely too young, Eric is even too young to think about all of this. None of us have our futures or ideas of what we want our futures to hold figured out yet and just because you love someone so much doesnt mean thats your future.
And next time you have a big issue like this on your mind, you should probably ask us for our opinions before you make a mistake and go behind our backs like you would have if I didnt call you on sunday. You don't leave family out of the picture and the second you do, is the second you don't have a family. Im not threatening you even tho thats what it sounds like but I'm just saying, if you cant be considerate of how we might feel about something or our opinions of someone, then why have family supporting you?
Just call and talk to us more often bryan. You have the time, but you are being lazy.
whoa whoa whoa...
umm, don't know how best to put this, but bryan is an adult like the rest of this and he can make any decision he wants...he has to also live with that decision and face all good and bad that may come from any decision he makes...
that being said, I think we should clarify something...just because the family might not like something he does, does not mean that the family will not support him...they might not like the decision he makes, but will still support him, not the decision...
and that goes for everyone to everyone...
can't have this, I dont like your decision so we will abandon you stuff and nonsense.
"You don't leave family out of the picture and the second you do, is the second you don't have a family. Im not threatening you even tho thats what it sounds like but I'm just saying, if you cant be considerate of how we might feel about something or our opinions of someone, then why have family supporting you?"
There is a difference between being considerate of others feelings, which we all should be, and requiring someones permission before acting or making a decision...
And j-cat, what do you think this post was about buddy? Jordan and I aren't married yet, nor have we seen a lawyer for the legal stuff i was talking about. I specifically wrote this blog for y'all's opinions.
Kinda of hurt, but also understanding. You are too young. Too young to understand what is going through my mind right now, which to sum up is just preparing to take another leap into further independence.
no you added this blog bc i was so mad at you and what was said on facebook. honestly, I don't think you would have said anything to us about what you were thinking about doing until after you would have done it and that really bothers me. Im not saying we dont support you but we all have been very close and its kind of like a slap in the face for one of us to not tell another about a big issue like this. Don't leave family out. Thats all Im saying and no i wasnt threatening you or anyone else with the comment I made and I wish I would have taken it back bc i knew if you understood it, someone else wouldnt and vice versa.
Whatever, I'm tired of this crap. I know for a fact that you all would be giving me lectures and telling me not to do soemthing if it were me and mike and don't you dare say you wouldnt because you all would. Go do what you want because you are going to even if we all said "no don't!!"
Thats that. I'm done with this.
Jessie, you are assuming way too much here.
1. That I would leave the family out on this. Hello, who do I expect to buy wedding presents? lol.
2. That I am brash enough to jump into a big decision like that without guidance from at least Andi, nate, Dad and Mom.
3. That we would scream at you if you started talking about a marriage to Mike, when the most we would do is make absolutely sure you were ready. We guide eachother, we don't control eachother.
Stop assuming. You're making an ass out of yourself and me now that I am yelling at you.
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